Synopsis: I continue being a wet nurse for the baby and suffer through a visit form my in-laws.

This story is intended for adults only. It is a work of fiction from my demented mind.

Jacob Jr. was 3 Months old and I had become quite comfortable being his nanny and wet nurse. He was sleeping through the night and I was able to get my rest at night. Jacob was a loving father and very proud of his son. Mary was a good mother when she was home, but was still heavily engaged in her legal career. We were a nice family, although a bit unusual due to my presence in the house. In the evenings after the baby was asleep for the night, we still had a sexual relationship but thankfully they weren't as interested in humiliating me as they used to be. They considered me as the wet-nurse and nanny of their son as well as their maid and sex toy. I was quite content with my role in the family and loved Jacob Jr. like he was my own son.

When I requested that the baby be put on formula to ease the soreness in my nipples, Jacob told me, " No way is my son going on formula!" He explained, " After all the trouble and expense I went through to prepare you to nurse him, you will continue to do so until he is ready for solid food." I knew that further pleading would be useless and meekly replied, " Yes Master, I understand." He then informed me, " By the way Tricia, Mary's parents are coming here today, she's picking them up at the airport now. They want to meet their new grandson. I want you to be on your best behavior when they are here." I blushed at the idea of them seeing me in my current state. Her parents had never cared for me when Mary and I were dating and they were very upset when she told them she was going to marry me. I guessed that it was because I was shorter than her by a couple of inches and had not much of a future. I assured Jacob that I would behave properly.

About an hour after Jacob had informed me of their impending arrival, they came into the house with Mary. Jacob went to meet them and I stayed in the kitchen nursing the baby. I heard Mary say, " This is my lover and friend Jacob, he's the baby's father. Jacob, this is my Father Hank and my mother Emily." Jacob was his usual charming self and I heard him say, " Pleased to meet you Hank." He told Emily, " I see where Mary gets her beauty Emily." The chatted for a few minutes before I heard Hank ask where's that wimp Jim at?" Emily said, " Forget about him, I want to see the baby. Jacob told them, " Come with me and we can take care of both of those things at the same time." He led them into the kitchen where I sat nursing the baby. Hank laughed our loud when he saw me and said, " I always knew you were a pussy. I see you have found your place in life." I smiled at him and answered, " Yes I have, nice to see you again Hank." They sat down at the kitchen table and watched as Jacob Jr. finished nursing. after I had burped him, I handed the baby to Emily. Emily smiled and remarked, " What a fine young boy you have Mary." Hank added a sarcastic, " Much better than that wimp Jim could have ever given you." Mary told him, " Daddy, Jim is gone and been replaced by Tricia here. Legal name change and all. Her driver's license even reflects her new name." Hank smiled and asked, " Is Tricia a good nanny for you daughter?" Mary beamed when she replied, " Oh yes daddy, she is perfect and we don't have to pay her either." Jacob told Hank, " Tricia is a part of our family and we take good care of her."

Jacob told me, " Get our guests some coffee Tricia." I stood up and said, " Yes Master." I remembered that they both drank their coffee black, and quickly returned with two cups for them.

Hank remarked, " Even though you were always on the wimpy side, I don't remember you having titties Tricia." James laughed and told him, " Better living through chemistry Hank." Even Emily had to laugh at that remark. They sat and chatted taking turns holding the baby while I prepared supper for them. Hank was telling Jacob what a nice house they had and how happy Mary seemed to be. I heard those remarks an knew he was telling the truth. The last time I had seen them they had visited us in our small one bedroom apartment. I also knew that Mary was far happier with Jacob than she ever had been with me.

After supper was finished, Mary showed them around their house while I bathed the baby and put him to bed. Edith came into the nursery as I was putting him in bed and told me, " You make a good mother Tricia." I blushed and said, " Thank you ma'am." She also told me, " I notice your voice is much higher and sweeter than it used to be." I didn't tell her that it had changed shortly after my testicles had been killed, but smiled sweetly and thanked her. Seeing them again reminded me of when I used to be a man, and I realized that I hadn't had an erection for over a year now. " Oh well," I thought, " So what, I am happier as a girl anyway."

With the travel and the excitement of seeing their new grandson, Hank and Emily were very tired so Jacob had me had me show them to the guest room and they retired for the night. I went to my cot in the nursery and went to sleep. The next morning I awoke early, took a shower and slipped into my robe. I Changed the baby and took him downstairs with me to start the coffee. While it was perking, I slipped my robe down and began nursing the baby. Hank walked into the kitchen and smiled when he saw my unoccupied breast exposed. He told me, " You have nice tits Tricia," I blushed and quickly covered my other breast. He told me, " Don't worry girl, I've seen tits before." I thought, " Yes, but not mine." When the baby was finished feeding, I handed him to Hank and went to get him a cup of coffee. He watched as I walked away and said, " Nice wiggle there Tricia." I was blushing as I handed him his coffee. He had once known me as Jim.

It dawned on me that my father-in-Law was a dirty old man. He looked sinister sitting there holding the baby with a leer on his face. I clutched my robe closer to my body and went to start breakfast. Jacob and Mary soon came down to have their breakfast. Jacob was dressed in a suit and tie as usual for work, but Mary was still wearing her robe. They were soon joined by Emily who had dressed already. I served them their coffee and started frying up the pancakes and sausages for breakfast.

Mary explained to Emily that she had taken the day off from work to be with them. Emily was pleased as it had been a long time since she had a chance to be around her daughter. After he finished his breakfast, Jacob kissed Mary and left for work. Mary sat chatting with Hank and Emily while I cleaned up the kitchen. Emily had despaired of ever having a grandchild and so was delighted to hold the baby. After cleaning up the kitchen I made up the beds and started the laundry, glad to have someone else holding the baby for a change. By the time I had the laundry started, the baby started crying and I knew it was time to feed him again as well as change his diaper. I took him to the changing table and changed his sticky diaper, powdering his bottom to avoid rash. I then sat down to nurse him. Emily asked Mary, " How did you ever get Tricia to grow boobs and even more puzzling, how can she possibly nurse your baby?" Mary explained, " Jacob is so smart, he went on the internet and researched the process long before I was pregnant. He wanted kids and I wanted to continue my legal career, and we decided that as long as Tricia was here anyway, she could be our wet nurse." Emily looked amazed by this and asked, " But where would he get such pills?" Mary explained that he had a friend who is a doctor and could write prescriptions for him. Hank asked, " And the wimp just took them?" Mary told him, " Yes, bye then he was already well on his way to being a girl in spirit." Hank just shook his head. He thought for a few minutes and asked, " How far has the transformation gone?" Mary smiled and said when she's finished feeding Jacob Junior, I'll have her show you daddy." When the baby was satisfied, I handed him back to Emily. Mary told me, " Tricia dear, take off your robe and show mommy and daddy your lovely body." I had dreaded something like this, but knew better than to disobey her and so I lowered my eyes and let my robe drop to the floor. Hank looked me up and down and said, " This is amazing, she has the body of a woman except for shrunken balls and a tiny penis." He reached his hand out and fondled my balls or what remained of them. He exclaimed, " They are the size of raisins, how ever did that happen?" Mary told him that once I had been neutered the female hormones took over and they just shriveled up. Emily asked, " Does that little dickie still work?" Mary told her, " Only for urination mom." I stood there for a full five minutes before Mary told me I could put my robe back on. She told me, " Thank you Tricia, you may resume your duties now." I curtsied nicely and went to put the finished laundry in the dryer and put in the second load.

Mary asked Emily if she wanted to do a little shopping with her and naturally she said yes. Mary went to get dressed and fix her hair and makeup and while her mother sat holding the baby.

I didn't like the idea of being left alone with Hank, but realized that my wishes weren't involved in their plans. Soon Mary and Emily were dressed and ready to go on their shopping trip, said their goodbyes and left. I asked Hank if he would watch the baby while I went to get dressed. He responded by telling me, " Hell no bitch, that's your job." He then demanded, " Bring me another cup of coffee." I took his cup and refilled it. He smiled and told me, " Now put a few drops of your milk in it for me." I was stunned and looked at him in disbelief. He snarled and warned me, " You don't want to make me mad. Now drop your robe, you freak. I want you to be naked while we are alone." I trembled as I dropped my robe to the floor. I managed to mumble a weak, " Yes sir." He was grinning as he knew I was in his power to control. " Come over here and lean your tit over my cup. Despite my humiliation, I obeyed him. He fondled my breast and then squeezed a squirt of milk into his cup. When he released my breast, I stood erect and naked except for my high heels. "Tell me bitch, does Jacob fuck you too?" I blushed standing naked in front of my father-in-law, but answered, " Yes sir.". He laughed and said, " I knew that. You weren't nearly good enough to marry my daughter, but now you do make a good bitch for a black man." Hank then asked, " Do you suck him off too?" I answered," Yes sir, whenever he wishes." Hank then said, " You are a slut for that man." I meekly nodded yes.

Hank took a sip from his coffee and remarked, " Your milk is sweet Tricia." I desperately wanted to get away from this old pervert and so I said, " Please sir, may I go change loads in the laundry now?" He was clearly enjoying his power over me and told me, " In a little while girlieboy. Right now I want to try out that sexy mouth of yours." He stood up and told me, " Kneel in front of me girlie and you know what to do." I pleaded, " Please sir, not in front of my baby." He laughed and told me, " It won't be many more years and you'll be sucking him too. Get busy bitch." I knelt in front of him and undid his pants so they slid down around his knees. I slid his boxers down exposing his cock. I took it in my hands and as I had become trained to do kissed the head. I then took it into my mouth and began sucking it. " Hmmm, very nice sweetie." , Hank praised my efforts. He was quickly very hard then and pulled out of my mouth. " Stand up and spread your legs dearie." , He ordered. I got to my feet and spread my legs wide. He then commanded, " Now lean over the table." As soon as I did he scooped some butter from the table and used it to lubricate his cock and my asshole. He grabbed my hips and shoved his cock roughly into me. I gasped, but he began to roughly fuck me. Hank was panting as he told me, " When you were dating my daughter, I used to think fuck that kid, and now I'm doing it." The only good part of the experience was that he didn't last very long. After a couple of minutes he came inside of me and pulled out. He tucked a paper napkin between my ass cheeks, pulled up his pants and released my hips. I scurried to the bathroom to clean myself with his laughter ringing in my ears.

When I came back to the kitchen, Hank told me, " That was very nice Tricia, thank you." I told him, " You're welcome sir." He hadn't even made me come. He smiled and told me I could put on my robe and finish my chores. I gladly picked up my robe and picked up the baby. I went to change his diaper and wash his bottom. When that was finished, I again fed him. Hank sipped his coffee and gloated over his conquest. He told me , " You know I hated you as a wimpy man, but as a girl you are hot." I replied, " Thank you sir." He went on to say, " Tricia, if they ever throw you out of here, you can come and live with Emily and I.. I would love to have you serving me like you do Jacob." The very thought of being his slave bitch was totally revolting to me, but I politely answered, " Thank you sir, that is very kind of you, but I am needed here."

By the time the laundry was finished, folded and put away, Mary and Emily had returned. Mary said to me, " Tricia, you lazy girl, you haven't even got dressed yet. You'd better get yourself upstairs and be presentable when Jacob gets home. You know how he wants you looking pretty when he comes home." I stammered, " Yes Mistress." , and left to shower, dress and put on my makeup. As I left, Mary said," Wear something sexy tonight dearie." I answered, " Yes mistress." Damn, I knew she meant a short skirt and I didn't want Hank to get any wild ideas. Once with him had been more than enough for me.

The first thing I did was to take a shower, I felt so dirty after being used by Hank. I fixed my hair and makeup and decided that my short black skirt with a white peasant blouse would be appropriate. I pulled on my thigh high stockings, polished my nails and got dressed. I went downstairs to start supper. Mary told me, " You look very nice tonight Tricia." I replied, " Thank you Mistress." She told me that Jacob was going to pick up some nice steaks for tonight and to prepare some potatoes, vegetables and a salad. I put on my apron and started doing just that.

Jacob walked in the door and kissed Mary. He asked her how her day went. She happily told him all about how she and her mother had gone shopping and found some cute things for the baby. He just smiled and told me to serve some drinks, that happy hour was now here. I fixed Jacob his current favorite drink, a scotch and soda, and a glass of white wine for Mary. Emily told me she would also have a glass of wine while Hank desired a whiskey and water. When they all had their drinks, they toasted to Jacob Junior. Hank asked if I wasn't going to have a drink and Jacob told him, " She'd better not, she's nursing you know." I set the table in the dining room while they were having a drink. By the time I finished that chore, they were ready for refills. Once I had refilled their glasses, Jacob went our to light the grill. I brought him the steaks and turned to leave when he asked me, " Did Hank make any moves on you while the ladies were shopping?" I told him, " Yes Master, he made me suck him and he fucked me." I started to cry from the shame I felt. Jacob took out his handkerchief and dried my tears. He consoled me by saying, " Don't worry about it Tricia, he will only be here a few days and I know you were trained not to refuse anybody. It's okay, dearie, just tolerate it to keep peace in the family." He gave me a warm hug and told me to go into the house and act cheerful. I told him, " Yes Master, thank you." I went back in the house and refilled Hank's glass. That dirty old man reached under my skirt and fondled my tiny balls! I quickly danced away from him and went into the kitchen to check on the potatoes.

When the steaks were done, I served the rest of the rest of the meal and went to eat in the kitchen. The happy chatter coming from the dining room made me feel terribly alone, but at least I was out of reach of Hank. I refilled their glasses a couple of times during supper and then fed and bathed the baby. Once the baby was asleep I went down to clean up the kitchen. I went off to sleep on my cot in the nursery. It had been a long day and I quickly fell asleep.

The next morning I tended to the baby, changing his diapers and such, got dressed and went downstairs to make coffee and prepare breakfast. I put the baby in his highchair and put the coffee on. While I was planning breakfast, Hank walked in and grabbed my ass. " Please sir, I have work to do.", I pleaded. He just smiled and said, " Ok girlie, I'm going to be here for three more days." I faked a smile and went on with what I was doing. Jacob and Mary walked into the kitchen and I saw they were both dressed for work. I served them coffee and bid them good morning. I was all ready to start cooking the bacon and eggs and soon had their meals ready. When I served Jacob, I rolled my eyes toward Hank, but he just smiled and winked at me. He was clearly going to let me fend for myself. Emily came and sat down and Mary explained that she had an important case to work on today. Emily told her, " That's all right dear, Hank and I will just hang out here and wait until you get home." Mary kissed her mom and dad and left for work, followed closely by Jacob going off to his company. I resolved to stick close to Emily that day.

After finishing her breakfast, Emily announced that she wanted to try some of the new outfits on Jacob Junior and took the baby to the nursery. Hank ordered another cup of coffee adding, " You know how I like it Tricia." I knew what he meant and put a few drops of my milk in his coffee. He grinned when he noticed the color in his coffee. He took a sip before saying, " You do serve well Tricia." Just as I expected him to tell me to suck him off, Emma called from upstairs, " Tricia, come here and see how cute he looks in his new outfit." I hurried upstairs as fast as I could manage in heels. I was very thankful for the opportunity to be away from Hank.

Once in the nursery, I saw Jacob Junior wearing a little sailor suit. I smiled and told Emily how darling he looked. She told me, " Don't raise him to be darling, raise him to be a man just like his father." I replied, " Yes ma'am, I just meant he looked cute in his new outfit." Emma told me, " I want him to know he is superior and grow up knowing that he can dominate people like you." I assured her, " Yes ma'am, I'm sure that will happen, since he's Jacob's son." She patted me on the shoulder and said, " Yes Tricia, I'm sure it will. You know that we thought you weren't good enough for our daughter, but now I see that you were perfect for what she had in mind." I blushed with embarrassment, but in my mind it suddenly dawned on me that Mary had never really loved me and only married me because she knew I was submissive enough to be her slave. Had she really planned that far ahead? Emily told me, " Lift your skirt Tricia." I was taken aback by that request, but lifted my skirt with both hands. Emily pulled down my panties and fondled my penis for a few minutes before chuckling as she said, " Mary was right, you can't get hard anymore. No wonder you have to satisfy her as a girl." I felt very humiliated by my mother-in-law feeling my useless penis. She asked me, " Can you satisfy her orally dearie?" I meekly admitted, " Yes ma'am." She released my penis and said, " Mary told me you were very good at performing oral sex on her. Well that's something I want to see for myself." She lifter her dress, pulled down her panties and lay down on my cot. She ordered, " Get to it Tricia. Do a good job and I may give you a treat." I was looking at her 52 year old pussy with dread and disgust, but I got right to work. She had orgasm after orgasm as I licked at her clit and pussy lips. When she finally cried out, " I've had enough, that's all I can stand for now." She praised me saying, " Mary was right , Tricia dear you are an artist. It's been many years since I've had orgasms like that. I need a few minutes to recover. You may resume your duties now." I thanked her and pulled up my panties and left the room.

While I tried to stay buys with my chores, I couldn't help thinking that my in-laws who had always seemed so normal were really perverts. Hank would love to have me as his slave and that Emily would too. I sure would be happy to see them leave and have my life go back to normal. At Least Jacob, Mary and I were a family with a child. I knew I had to endure their presence and sexual torments for a only couple of more days.

The fullness in my breasts told me it was time to feed the baby again, so I went up to the nursery and fed little Jacob. Emily was still on the cot and lay their watching me. She told me, " You are taking good care of my grandson and I'm delighted to see how much you love him." I smiled at her and responded, " Thank you ma'am." After I fed the baby, I bathed and dressed him in his sailor suit outfit and laid him down for a nap. Once he was asleep, Emily told me, " Go to your room Tricia, it's time for your treat now." I was curious about what she had in mind, but said," Yes ma'am." I went upstairs to my own room and waited there for a few minutes before Emily walked in wearing Mary's strap-on dildo. She had an evil smile on her face as she told me, " It's time for your treat Tricia dear. Mary told me that the only way you could come now was by getting fucked, and I've always wanted to play the male role in sex." This was obscene! My mother-in-law wanted to fuck me. Despite my revulsion at the idea, it had been some time since I had come and felt the need for an orgasm. Besides that, Jacob had told me to be nice to them. I smiled sweetly and said, " Yes ma'am." I pulled down my panties and Emily told me, " Get naked girl, I want the full experience." I removed all my clothes and stood naked in front of her. She had me bend over the bed and lubricated my anus. As sick as this scene was, I eagerly awaited her penetration. She shoved that dildo in slowly at first, but soon was ramming it in and out very vigorously. My tits were jiggling so bad that milk was sent flying out of them. She kept them bouncing back and forth until she was exhausted. I had come twice and felt worn out. She pulled out of me, then turned me around and kissed me. She told me, Thank you Tricia, that was a lot of fun." I told her, " Thank you ma'am, yes it was fun." She walked out of the room and I quickly got dressed. I really wanted to take a nap, but knew that I had get busy with my duties.

When Mary came home from work, she called me into her room and asked me, " Did my mother have you service her today Tricia?" I blushed as I told her, " Yes Mistress, she did." Mary smiled and kissed me, then said, " I figured she would, she got very intrigued when I told her how you serve me as my lesbian lover. I know you pleased her like you always do me." I nodded my head and felt relieved that Mary wasn't upset with me. She then asked me, " Did she screw you too Tricia?" I replied, " Yes Mistress, she did." Mary chuckled and said, " Good for her, I know she enjoyed herself on her visit here." Mary then held my hand and told me, " I've taken the next two days off and will be here so they won't bother you again." I breathed a big sigh of relief. That eased my mind considerably. I would stay close to Mary and stay unmolested.

The next morning Mary took her Mom and dad to see her office and then to lunch at a swanky restaurant. She then showed them some of the local sights for a few hours. They came back home around 4😮o pm. Jacob walked in shortly after they did. Since this would be their last evening meal here, I had a nice beef roast in the oven and planned on making mashed potatoes, gravy, a salad as well as creamed peas and a nice homemade pie for dessert. I fixed their drinks as they started happy hour. While I was in the kitchen finishing up the supper, I could hear Hank telling Jacob what a good family man he was and how happy Mary seemed now. As I brought them refills on their drinks, Hank mad a point of saying what a good job Jacob had done in converting a weak man into a useful girl. I blushed at hearing that, but knew he was right.

After they finished eating, I put Jacob Jr to bed and went down to clean off the table and clean up the kitchen. Mary sensed my discomfort and told me, " That was a delicious meal Tricia, you may go to bed now." I curtsied and went to my cot in the nursery, thankful that my day had gone well.

The next morning, I showered dressed and took care of the baby's feeding and went down to coo breakfast. Jacob came down dressed for work and had his coffee while I was preparing the meal. Shortly after that, Mary, Hank and Emily came into the kitchen also. They ate their breakfast and as soon as Jacob finished eating, he said his goodbyes and left for work. Mary and her parents loitered over their coffee making small talk for another hour before they had to load their bags in the car. Hank gave me a light kiss on the cheek and winked at me as he left. Emily kissed me on the lips and whispered, " Thanks dear, I had a great time with you." Mary told me she'd be back as soon as she dropped them off at the airport. I went to the window and watched them drive away. I felt great relief when they were gone. Our life could now get back to what passed for normal here.

Nine Months Later

Jacob Jr was now a year old and I had started giving him baby food. He still did some nursing as well, but I was looking forward to finally being finished with my nursing duties. My nipples were now quite long and constantly sore. One night after I finished feeding the baby some applesauce, Jacob had me sit at the table with him. He told me, " Tricia, you have done a wonderful job of nursing my son. I know that you will do as good a job on our next child as well." I looked at him and asked, " Next child master?" He smiled and told me, " Yes, Mary is expecting again." I responded, " Yes sir, that is very nice, I'm happy for you." Secretly I was thinking about starting all over again with another baby and all the work involved for me. Jacob continued saying, " We went to the doctor yesterday and he suggested that it would be better for your health if you didn't dry up and have to restart with medication again when the new baby comes." Those were the words I didn't want to hear. I pleaded, " But sir, Jacob Jr won't be needing as much milk anymore." Jacob told me, " I know that dearie, but I have an alternative plan. We will get you a breast pump and you will continue producing as much as you do now. We will donate your mother's milk to the milk bank here in town. There is a great need for it and it doesn't cost you anything to produce it." " Please sir," I pleaded, " Can't I rest a bit before starting all over with another baby?" Jacob told me, " Don't be so selfish, people need it and you have it. I want you ready to feed our new baby. My plan will take care of both things." I knew that his mind was made up and further pleading would be useless. I meekly said, " Yes sir, I'm sure you know what's best." He patted me on the head and smiled.

The next day Mary came home with a breast pump and a booklet of instructions. We sat down as she read the instructions to me. She told me, " We'll start out on low and increase the settings as Jacob Jr needs less and less. The idea being to maintain your flow at it's current level." She had me remove my blouse and put the cup on my breast. She turned the power on and I could feel it contract and expand. After a few minutes, nothing was coming out. Mary looked puzzled, then read on for a bit and told me, " It says it will help to have your breast hanging down, get down on your hands and knees and try that." As soon as I was on all fours, the milk started filling the container. Mary clapped her hands with delight and exclaimed, " By gosh, I think we have it!" I couldn't help thinking that I was nothing but a cow, being milked. She laid the instruction booklet in front of me and told me to read the cleaning instructions and also how to care for the milk so that we could donate it. I read as the machine pumped my left breast dry. Thirty minutes later, I got up and she turned the machine off. Mary helped me package the milk and put it in the freezer.

That same night after I finished feeding Jacob Jr, Mary told me it was time to use the pump again. She told me to bring it into the dining room. I got the pump and took it into the dining room. I removed my blouse and placed the cup on my right breast. I turned on the pump and got on all fours. Jacob watched from his seat at the table. He remarked to Mary, " Just think, that was once a man and now she's providing milk to those in need." I blushed at his words and realized how much I had changed since he came into our life. As I knelt there, Jacob Jr crawled over to me and began suckling on my left breast. Jacob said, " Isn't that cute, our son is able to get what he wants now." Mary responded with, " He will up to be a man like his father, getting what he wants." I'd never felt more depressed in my life, Mary was in love with him and I was a mere source of milk. Being on all fours made me feel like a dairy cow, which in fact I was. The infant suckled a few minutes and crawled away. When my right breast was pumped dry, I got up, turned off the pump and went to take care of the milk. At the rate I was going, Jacob would soon have enough to warrant a trip to the mother's milk bank.

Jacob came into the kitchen as I was putting the milk package into the freezer. He said," Tricia, I know you think this is an imposition on you, but you are helping a worthy cause and you know you will be feeding our new baby." I replied, " Yes master, but my nipples are so sore and stretched out. I was hoping I was nearly finished with that duty." Jacob kissed me on the forehead and said, " Don't be silly, we are planning on having a big family." He hugged me close and told me, " You can sleep in our bed tonight, I know how to make you feel better." The prospect of being a wet nurse for years to come was very depressing, but at least I would be needed. It really was amazing how much my life had changed.