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Document: Awakenings

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Author: Gordon AKA Pampers

Awakenings

By Gordon AKA Pampers

A true story of how I got interested in diapers.

The summer of 1975 started like any other would for a 8 year old, we burst out of the classroom and crowded down the hall and piled on the bus for that last trip home for the year. There was not a frown to be seen as everyone was in that "last day of school" mood. As the bus bounced along the bumpy rural roads we all talked about what we were going to do all summer long, the word work was not to be heard anywhere. Everyone was laughing, talking, and throwing papers and letting out all their anxieties. I was now a proud graduate of the third grade and intended to celebrate every day by playing in some way, shape, or form.

A cloud of dust engulfed the bus as we rolled to a stop in front of my house, dust was definitely one of the downfalls of living on a dirt road. I stepped out into the cloud and crossed in front of the bus as I did many times before but I knew this was the last time for the whole summer. I raced across the lawn and ran in to the house, my younger sister ran along behind me. I threw my backpack down and quickly changed into a pair of shorts and a T-shirt and ran outside to get summer officially started. I ran out to the edge of our garden where there wasn't anything planted. I just about did a flying leap into the dirt where my toys were, the cold soft dirt felt so much better than a stuffy old school-room. I needed to get dirty, I needed to be a true kid again. I looked around at the array of Tonka trucks, bulldozers, and other heavy equipment that was laying around. Heavy construction was definitely just what I needed to start the summer off right. I looked over the array of roads I had built and concluded that there just needed to be a big hole next to the road I had built the previous day. The steam-shovel drove (well, was pushed anyway) down the road followed by a dump-truck. I was up to my ears in dirt, wow, I thought, it just doesn't get any better than this, or so I thought.

The dump truck pulled off to the side and the steam shovel went to work on the hole. I was fully enveloped in my actives, in my imagination I could hear the scream of diesel engines and the tearing of earth in the name of progress. The dump truck soon filled and off I went to unload it. As I was nearing the dump site I heard a car coming down our road. Since it was quite a rural road, we always looked because there was a good chance we knew whoever it was. A big brown station wagon plowed along leaving a huge brown wake of dust. I didn't recognize the car so back to work I went. Then a few seconds later I heard the tell-tale crunching of gravel that told me that the car had pulled up into the yard. Our dog Kate was going crazy barking as she ran beside the car, she let everyone know an intruder was present. It was then that I recalled something about relatives from New Hampshire coming to visit. My mom had mentioned something about that a few weeks ago. Guess if I actually listened to her once in awhile I would know for sure, oh-well, such is youth.

I ran to the car as my mom came out of the house, I knew she would have made me come over anyway. I took Kate by the collar and told her to stop barking, but she managed to get in one more, "woof" just to let everyone know she was still on duty.

The car was stuffed with people and luggage, there was even luggage strapped to the top of the car. The doors opened and everyone piled out of the car and stretched to recover from their journey. My mom asked me if I remembered any of them. I was 2 when I had last seen them, why do parents always ask these stupid questions anyway? The group consisted of my dad's cousin who I called uncle Rich, his wife Samantha, and their children: Thomas 14, Lisa 12, and Heather 8. I didn't recognize any of the faces, but apparently they did, Aunt Samantha came over to me and gave me the dreaded, "Isn't he so adorable. You were this big when I say you last." as she held her hands about 2 feet or so off the ground. My sister was still oblivious to all that was going on, and was watching television in the house. She was lucky, I knew construction would not resume today as I would get roped into entertaining the other kids.

About this time my grandparents and my other uncle and aunt were approaching, they live just up the road and saw the car pull in. The adults started talking next to the car and I could see that all of us kids were on our own. Not knowing what else to do I offered to show them around the farm. We had just started for the barn when I saw my cousin Bill and Chris, who live up the street, coming over. Bill and Chris were older than me and about the age of Tom and Lisa so they pretty much took off by themselves. I was left with Heather as the older four went off and did their own thing. I brought her around the barn showing her the cows, pigs, and the rest of the animals we had. As we were walking around I would occasionally look at her, she was quite cute, even though she was a girl. She had blonde straight hair the color of wheat that flowed down just below her shoulders, sparkling baby blue eyes, and a petite frame. I know at 8 years old I was young and was supposed to still think girls had cooties, but she was quite pleasing to look at. Besides my cousin Bill (12 at the time) told me it was actually fun to kiss these girl creatures. I didn't really have an attraction to her pre se, but there was something about her that seemed interesting. I finished showing her around the barn and the pasture where all the cows were. With the tour done, so was my interest for now. Hey, what kind of attention span did you expect from a 8 year old?

I excused myself explaining that I had important work to do and I brought her to the house and left her with my sister in front of the TV. Back out in my corner of the garden earth was again being moved, trucks zoomed back and forth carrying their loads. Construction was well under way when I heard someone approaching, I looked up and Heather was standing there. I sort of just looked at her with a, "why are you here?" look, she told me that Jan (my sister) was just watching television and it was boring. She said she would rather play with the trucks and stuff if I didn't mind. Hmmm, I thought, she must be a tomboy, I had never encountered this before. This could be ok I thought, so I told her she could play. I described the layout of the roads and quarries and what was to go where, she nodded and we got to work.

We spent the rest of the day playing, we got along very well, and both of us were covered in dirt. At dinner time we stopped and I went inside to get cleaned up, she went up to my aunts house were they would all be staying. I could tell it wouldn't be that bad having her around after all. The next day we would all go to the state fair in Syracuse, NY, it was about a 2 hour drive form our house. We all piled into the Chevy Suburban and Heather and I were in the very back together on the floor. We had ample toys to keep us busy so we played most of the way there. We had a good day at the fair, ate tons of cotton candy, popcorn and went on every upside down ride we could find. Why we didn't get sick from all of this, I'll never know. On the way home we got the floor again in the back, this time it was dark and we couldn't really play with out toys. Heather and I just talked and looked up through the window and watched the stars. After awhile the topic of kissing came up, she asked me if I had ever kissed a girl. I replied of course, "No Way!" and she asked me if I wanted to kiss her. I said "never in a million years.", but being a female she bugged me until I caved in. We kissed on the lips a few times and found it funny, we giggled and held hands the rest of the way home. They were definitely not deep passionate kisses but were soft, shy and unsure. The following day we played together again and managed to sneak a few more kisses behind the barn. We agreed that we would be boyfriend and girlfriend while we were together. I found it hard to believe that just 2 days ago I found the idea of kissing girls repulsive, let alone having one as a girlfriend. We spent the whole day together playing all sorts of different games, and come dinner time we didn't want to part company. I asked my mom if Heather could eat supper with us and she agreed if it was ok with her parents, she called and they said it was ok. We ate dinner and headed right back outside to take advantage of the long summer sunlight. When it got dark we went into the house and we asked if she could sleep in my room for the night since we were having so much fun together. Again, it was ok as long as her parents agreed. We called my aunt's house and her parents thought it was all-right, as long as we weren't a bother to my mom.

Heather went off to get her cloths and stuff, she returned carrying a little brown suitcase. It wasn't quite bed-time yet so we ran around the house screaming and in general, driving my mom crazy. Eventually my mom tired of our rough housing and we were told that we were tired and should go to bed. We avoided going to bed as long as possible but the tone in mom's voice eventually reached that "you're going to get your butt kicked" tone. Heather and I went to my room where I told her she could change into her pajamas. I took my pajamas and headed to the bathroom to change. I slipped out of my cloths and in to my blue striped pj bottoms, I didn't wear the top in summer. I headed back towards my bedroom but Heather was still in there with the door closed so I put my cloths down next to the door and headed back to the bathroom. I grabbed my toothbrush and as usual put too much toothpaste on it. I started brushing my teeth and began blowing huge bubbles with the massive amounts of toothpaste foam in my mouth. I was involved in an especially large bubble when suddenly I heard, "ewwwww, neat!" from behind me. Startled, I jumped and the bubble burst covering my face with toothpaste foam. There was Heather, wearing a pair of pink sleeper-style pajamas with feet. It zipped up the front and had a small yellow and white bunny holding a carrot on the chest. We started laughing hysterically at my covered face and it only got worse when I was laughing so hard toothpaste foam started flying out of my mouth. Still laughing, Heather reached for her toothbrush, she wanted to attempt the bubble blowing antics. She covered her toothbrush with an obscene amount of toothpaste, prodded by me of course. She made all sorts of faces as the wad of mint paste smeared around in her mouth and started to foam. Still laughing she tried to blow a bubble but could only manage small ones due to uncontrolled laughing before they exploded, covering her face. She gave up and we wiped the froth from our faces and I finished brushing my teeth.

Heather was just finishing brushing her teeth as I left the bathroom and I picked up my cloths I had put down outside the door earlier. I walked in to my room and noticed that Heather's suitcase was on top of my hamper so I grabbed the top strap and swung it over towards the bed to I could put in my cloths. About mid-swing I realized her bag wasn't closed all the way and it opened up, spilling the contents all over the floor. Just as the contents of her bag finished spreading themselves across my floor Heather walked in. Still holding the open bag I looked at Heather somewhat embarrassed but ready to laugh since it was pretty funny. She wasn't looking at me though, she was staring at her cloths on the floor. I turned and looked at her cloths strewn across the floor and then noticed why she was staring. Right next to her underwear there were two white folded pampers. I looked up at her again and she looked at me with a scared look in her eyes. She looked to see if my mom or sister saw, they didn't, and she pushed the door closed then continued to look at me sheepishly. I could tell she wanted to say something but she couldn't come up with any words. I shyly asked her if she had to wear diapers at night. She nodded that she did, and in a meek tone she explained that her whole family had a bedwetting history. Her older brother just outgrew it and her sister had outgrown it a year or so ago, she still had an accident occasionally. Her dad had wet until he was 16 or 17. I looked at her in her pajamas and asked, "Do you have one on now?". She nodded yes and I did notice that she had a fullness around her bottom in the pajamas. I stared at her puffy bottom for a second, then something happened that to this day I can't explain. Without even thinking about how strange it was I asked, "Can I try one?". I don't know if it was because I just wanted to be like her, make her feel better, or because I always had the desire to wear them.

Heather's embarrassed look suddenly changed to a faint smile and she looked up at me and she replied that I could try one. I imagine she was comforted that I didn't make fun of her or call her a baby. She bent down and started putting her cloths back into her suitcase. Setting one of the pampers aside she closed the suitcase and zipped it closed this time before she put the suitcase back on the hamper. She picked up the diaper and handed it to me, my hands were shaking as I took it, not exactly sure of what I just got myself into. The soft, powdery smell of the original pampers then washed over me and I was sure I had made the right decision.

Heather curiously watched as I opened the diaper up and looked at it for awhile, the smell became overpowering now as the room filled with the smell of pampers. The pamper was thick and rectangular with folds around the legs and very simple, there was no elastic around the legs or waist. I touched the silky plastic backing and caressed the soft padding of the diaper. I inhaled and the soft smell of pampers perfume filled my nostrils and I became very excited. I climbed into my bed and pulled the covers over myself so I could change without Heather seeing me. I pulled off my pajama bottoms and my jockey shorts and picked up the diaper. I slid the open diaper under my bottom and sat down on it. "No turning back now", I thought. I pulled the thickness up between my legs and a sudden feeling of comfort and security enveloped me as if I were in the midst of a nice hug. My mind rushed with new emotions that I had never felt before, I was happy, content, and excited all at the same time. I pulled the diaper tight and fastened the tapes snugly in place. The tapes barely reached but seemed as if they would hold. I just laid there for a minute enjoying my new feelings. I eventually was brought back to reality when Heather asked if it was on yet. I answered "yes", and she said, "Well, let me see." I was a bit shocked and didn't really know what to think but I suddenly got a bit bold and said, "Only if I can see yours too." She didn't even have to think before she agreed. I pulled back the covers revealing the soft white pamper taped firmly in place, Heather gazed at me and told me it looked cute. She told me to turn over so she could see how it fit. I rolled over and she said it was a little small but would be fine. The thick material pressed against me and I told her that I really liked it and it felt good. She giggled and agreed, she said she liked how they felt on her too. She said that she was glad she still wet occasionally so she could still wear her diapers at night.

I told her that I wanted to see hers now, since she had seen me in them. I could see in her eyes that she now had some second thoughts on letting me see hers. She knew thought that I had fulfilled my part of the bargain and it was now her turn. She slowly unzipped her pajamas and looked at me in a way that now I would call seductive. She paused for a second and then slid the pajamas over her petite shoulders. Her pajamas gently slid down and stopped at her waist. She folded her arms holding the pink fuzzy sleepers bunched at the top of her diaper. I looked at her flat chest and stomach, her blond hair cascaded across her shoulders. I could just see the top of her thick pamper as she held her sleepers around her waist. She paused for a second then looked at me laying on my bed in just my diaper and she let her pajamas drop the rest of the way. I gazed at her beautiful petite frame with her thick diaper nestled between her legs. She looked beautiful standing before me in just her pampers, I had never though a girl could look so good. I told her I thought she looked really pretty like that, she blushed and told me that she thought I looked good too. There was an energy in the room that I couldn't explain at the time, I can only wonder if it were some early form of prepubescent sexual arousal. It manifested itself as an excess of energy, that is an excess even for 8 year old.

I crawled out of bed and stood on the floor. The thick diaper between my legs made it difficult to get my legs together but it felt heavenly. I tried to walk but I ended up waddling across the room to toss my underwear in the hamper. Heather giggled and told me that I would get used to walking in them after awhile. I shyly looked up at Heather and asked her if I could wear the diaper for the night, she just smiled knowingly. She apparently had the same feelings I did at the time because she said she wasn't tired yet and asked if I wanted to build a tent. I told her yes but we would have to be quiet so my mom didn't hear us. I put a towel across the bottom of the door and partially covered the light so my mom wouldn't see any light in the room either and would think we were asleep. Heather started pulling blankets off the bed and I quietly pulled my desk chair into the middle of the room. We built a huge tent in the middle of the room out of bed sheets and towels and tossed some toys inside through the opening under the chair. Heather and I walked to the opening and admired our work for a bit. The opening was pretty small so I bent down on my hands and knees so I could enter the tent. Heather bent down right in front of me and her thick diapered bottom wiggled back and forth right in front of my face as she crawled into the tent. The thick padding cradled her small bottom and rustled softly with every move. I followed Heather in and we sat in the tent playing with our toys. The thick padding on my bottom felt wonderful as I sat playing. In just a few minutes the aroma of pampers filled the tent and we played happily for an hour to two. Our excess energy was not being used up fast enough and we started to tire of the toys. Heather asked me if we could practice kissing some more like we were earlier. I agreed of course and we started kissing softly, her small lips were soft and silky as they pressed against mine.

After a few minutes Heather stopped and asked if we could try kissing another way. I didn't know what she was talking about, how else could you kiss I thought, and asked her what she meant. She told me that she had seen her brother and his girlfriend kissing before and wanted to try it like they did. I was naturally curious so I agreed and asked what I should do. Heather laid down on her back in front of me and spread her legs apart. I just stared in awe at her laying before me in her diaper. The sight of her thickly pampered frame laying with her legs apart and her soft hair flowing around her was incredible. She then told me I had to lay on her to do it right. I was a bit confused as to how laying down would help kissing but was willing to do anything. I and knelt over her and then lowered myself down on top of her. My diaper pressed into hers and my bare chest rested against hers. The thick feel of our diapers pressed together was a feeling I will never forget. I wanted to lay there forever just holding her small pampered body against mine. Heather told me that her brother and his girlfriend had kissed with open mouths and they sometimes used their tongues. I was a bit grossed out at first but Heather assured me that her brother liked it and it was supposed to be fun. I opened my mouth, as did she, and we kissed clumsily. We continued and it was obvious we were both new, our teeth bumped occasionally, but soon we were more relaxed and doing a much better job. Heather then moved her tongue to my mouth as we were kissing and our tongues explored each others mouths. We both quickly started laughing, partially grossed out, and partly because of the new exciting feelings. We spent about 15 minutes in each others arms, wearing just our diapers, kissing. Afterwards we talked about the kissing, we both thought it was a strange feeling, but it was also fun, we giggled and talked about how it felt.

We decided to sleep in the tent together in just out diapers. I set my alarm for early in the morning so we could take down the tent and get dressed before my mom woke up. I pulled a blanket over us and pulled her close to me. She hugged me and kissed me softly goodnight. Her hand slid down my back and came to rest on my pampered behind, I let my hand glide across her back to her diaper. I pressed my hand against her diaper and she sighed with contentment. We both fell asleep quickly and I think it was the happiest nights sleep I have ever had.

I sleepily opened my eyes as the alarm clicked on and started playing music. I started to roll over to turn the alarm off and the thick diaper between my legs suddenly brought back the memories of the night before. I pressed my hand against my thickly diapered crotch and smiled contentedly, then turned the music off. Heather didn't wake up and was still asleep under the blanket. I watched her sleeping and I softly played with her long golden hair, at that moment I know I was privileged to be in the presence of pure innocence. She slowly woke up and stretched her arms above her head and looked up at me. She smiled and looked at me to make sure I was still diapered. She moved her hand between my legs and pressed against the diaper and asked me if I was dry. She gently squeezed the front of my diaper to feel if I was wet or not. She almost sounded disappointed as she said I had a dry diaper. In a way I was disappointed that I was dry, if I wasn't I'd have an excuse to wear them every night. I followed Heather's lead and would check her diaper too. I pulled the covers back to reveal her naked body. Naked except for her beautiful thick diaper. She smiled and spread her legs apart as I moved my hand between her legs. I pressed the palm of my hand against her thick pamper and held it there. I didn't feel any dampness so I told her she was dry too. I don't know how I would have reacted if she were wet.

I then just looked at Heather for a moment and had the desire to totally baby her all day long. Unfortunately, that would be too obvious and my mom would have known something was up so I had to suppress that desire. I knew my mother would be getting up soon and I knew that my happiest night ever was drawing to a close. Heather and I took down the tent and put the room back into order. I jumped into my bed and reluctantly removed the diaper and put a pair of underwear and my pajamas back on. I watched as Heather pulled her sleeper pj's up over her diaper and put her arms in the sleeves and zipped them up. I jumped out of bed and handed Heather my diaper but she told me I could have it. She then went to her suitcase and got out her cloths for the day and reached under the pair of panties in her suitcase and took out the other diaper. She handed me the other pamper and told me she wanted me to have it. She told me not to worry and that she had more in the car she could use if she needed them. I graciously took the diaper and hid it and the other one in my closet. I left the room and went to the bathroom while Heather got dressed for the day. Then I got dressed and thought about our night all through breakfast. After breakfast Heather and I went back outside to play some more before she had to leave. They were planning on leaving that afternoon to visit some other relatives and then head home.

While playing Heather and I talked about the previous nights experiences. She asked me if I really liked wearing the pampers or not. I told her that I definitely did and wished I could wear one all the time. She nodded and smiled in agreement. She confided that she wished she could wear them all the time too but wasn't allowed to wear one during the daytime. She explained that she had even wet by "accident" a few times during the day in hopes of being diapered, but her parents got very upset. They kept telling her that they knew that she would have problems at night but she wasn't a baby and she didn't need diapers while she was awake. I told her that I wished I wet at night like she did so I could wear pampers every night , she laughed and told me she hoped she never grew out of wetting at night.

Heather and her family left that afternoon, I almost cried to see her leave. We kept in touch as pen pals for about a year afterwards. The letters became fewer and fewer as time passed and we haven't seen each other since. To this day she doesn't know what an impression she and that night had on me.

In my life now I have always desired to bring back the feelings that night gave me. It has shaped my life forever, someday I hope to find a big baby girl that I can take care of that can appreciate the closeness and love I intend to show her. My deepest desire is to dress, bathe, change, feed and otherwise baby my love if I ever find her. I would love to find that special girl that would be happy sharing in diapers with me. Until that time I will just have to be in diapers by myself, but I will never stop my quest....

Author: Gordon

For those of you know don't know me, I am known as pampers on the irc channel #dpf (Diaper Pail Friends). This is my true story of how I got interested in diapers and being a daddy for big baby girls. You may have seen this if you have ever been on the ftp site vance, which contained infantilist material. Enjoy... Email or public responses welcome....

Gordon

Awakenings