"Billy, I'm going to call Nurse Leveau and have her come over and look at you. I'm sure she has a thermometer in her nurse's bag."

"Oh Mamma, no ... please no... I'll be OK."

"With a first reading of 103 and the thermometer now broken, young man? No sir. I'm not taking any chances. Your forehead may not feel that hot but you going to need to see a doctor if your fever is really 103. You stay right here while I call Nurse Leveau."

Amanda Fontaine walked down the hall to her bedroom and called her neighbor and longtime friend, Polly Leveau, a pediatric nurse at one of Toronto's finest hospitals. After hearing about the broken thermometer and the reading of 103, the experienced nurse asked,

"Amanda, were you in the room when Billy had dropped the thermometer?"

"Why no, Polly, why do you ask?"

"Just a little hunch, Amanda. Let me come over and have a look at Billy. Sometimes these things aren't always what they seem to be."

Ten minutes later, Nurse Leveau rang the bell at the Fontaine house and followed Amanda upstairs. Nurse Leveau swept into Billy's bedroom with the take-charge manner of an experienced head nurse in her late forties. Her nursing whites and hair gathered into a tight bun made her look even more business-like than usual. Since she was almost a second aunt to Billy, she immediately noticed that he looked more nervous than sick.

"Let's see how our patient is doing today, shall we, Billy?"

"I was going to get him up to get ready for church but he told me he felt sick and the thermometer read 103 the first time I took his temp. Then poor Billy managed to drop the thermometer after I put it back in his mouth for a second reading and it broke."

"Let's just see what we have here, Amanda. He doesn't look that bad to me." Nurse Leveau sat on the side of Billy's bed and felt his forehead.

"Hmmmm ... just as you said, Amanda, a little warm but nowhere near 103. Let's see how his back feels. She reached down through the back of Billy's collar and felt his upper back.

"That's odd. His back feels perfectly normal. No trace of fever"

"Well, I don't feel all that bad as I tried to tell mama. I guess the thermometer was broken even before I dropped it," Billy volunteered weakly. "I probably just have a slight fever."

"Enough to get out of having to go to church today," Mrs Fontaine joked, without quite realizing what she had said. "You know how he hates going to church, Amanda."

"Is that so?" Nurse Leveau said thoughtfully. After looking in Billy's mouth with a flashlight and checking his eyes, she looked pensively at the nearby metal lamp on his bed side table and at the floor. Looking back at Billy more intently, she asked,

"How exactly did the thermometer break, sweetheart?"

Billy swallowed and replied,

"I was trying to put in on the table but it dropped on the floor right here."

"And it broke on that thick rug, young man?"

A look of alarm flashed across Billy's face before he regained his composure.

"Yes ma'am. I can't explain how it broke but it did."

"Amanda, has this little lamp here been on at all this morning?"

"No, of course not ... not with all this direct sunlight, Polly. Why would that matter?"

And you haven't needed this lamp for any reading or anything, have you Billy?"

Billy shook his head, looking a little more nervous.

"Just a hunch, Amanda. Just a hunch." Nurse Leveau reached out to touch the metal lamp shade and added,

"The reason I ask, Amanda, is because this lamp has been on recently ... see ... feel for yourself. It's still a little warm."

"Why, yes it is ... what is going on here?"

"Well, Amanda, it looks like you have a case of what we nurses call broken thermometer syndrome. It's the most common reason for thermometers breaking when parents leave supposedly sick children alone with the thermometer in their mouths on school days or on mornings when their children want to avoid some event. In Billy's case, he thought he could get out of church today."

"What are you talking about, Polly? I don't follow you."

"It's really quite simple. In a misguided attempt to fake a fever and avoid some obligation, many children put their face under a table lamp and hold the thermometer nearby as well. The problem is that most of them don't realize how sensitive thermometers are to any real heat and how easily they explode when overheated. See how your thermometer broke at the mercury end?"

"Why, you don't say ... so it did. Billy, I want a straight answer from you, child, or you will be in serious trouble. Did you try to fake a fever and get out of church?"

Though Billy did his best to cover his alarm, it was now clearly visible to his mother and Nurse Leveau.

"No, mamma, really ... I wouldn't pull a stunt like that. I really do feel hot this morning ... not 103 but I do think I am a little sick. I forgot to mention that i did turn on the light to try to read the thermometer ... and that's when it dropped."

"A little sick ... that's not what you said when I got you up this morning. You said you felt really bad and wanted to stay in bed."

"Well I did feel bad then ... I guess I'm feeling a little better now ... but honestly, I really do have a fever."

"We'll see about that, young man," Nurse Leveau replied, reaching into her little bag and removing another thermometer.

"Amanda, I'm afraid you may have been fooled by the oldest trick in the book. You'd be surprised of how mothers tell me stories about faked temperatures. That's why we call it broken thermometer syndrome. I only have a rectal thermometer in my little bag but it should give us an accurate reading. "

"Mom, I'm too old for that kind of thermometer. I'm fifteen years old for Christs sake."

"Watch your language, young man. An baby thermometer won't hurt you. Stop fussing right this instant and roll over for Nurse Leveau. If you have any kind of real fever, we both owe you an apology. But if your temperature turns out to be normal, young man, you are going to get a lot more than some bedrest."

"Come on, child ... over you go."

"Billy, do as Aunt Polly says or you will feel something a lot worse on your bottom than that baby thermometer."

As Billy rolled over reluctantly, Nurse Leveau chuckled and said,

"The threat of a spanking certainly gets the attention of a fussy boy, doesn't it, Amanda?"

"Yes it does, Polly, especially when the fussy boy knows he has a sound spanking coming if it turns out he has been lying to me, faking a temperature, and covering it up with more lies.

Billy buried his face in his pillow, doing his best to hide the red color spreading out rapidly through his face all the way to his ears.

Drawing his pj bottoms down to mid thigh, Nurse Leveau pulled out a small jar of vaseline from her bag and opened it. Dabbing a thick glob on the end of her index finger, she parted Billy's cheeks with her left hand and reached in with her right index finger to spread vaseline around his rectum. After wiping her finger on a Kleenex, she shook the thermometer down, dipped it into the vaseline, and gently inserted it into Billy's bottom. As often with an older child, he stiffened up immediately.

"Relax, child. Don't tense and you'll be fine. There ... that's a little better. That's my good boy. It's just a thermometer"

Nurse Leveau held it in place with her right hand resting against Billy's cheeks while she chatted with Amanda.

"If Billy has been playing with your adult thermometer, Amanda, I suggest you get him a rectal thermometer until he shows he is old enough to be trusted. That's what we always tell mothers with children who fake fevers. No point trusting children like that with another adult thermometer which they might break."

Despite the muffled protest from Billy, his mother replied,

"I couldn't agree more, Polly. If Billy's temperature is normal, I'm get him a baby thermometer and we'll see how he likes that for the next year or so. More importantly, Billy is going to go over my knee for an immediate spanking right after you check his temp if it turns out to be normal. Boys lie in my home regret that mistake very quickly, don't they, Billy?"

Despite his flaming red face, Billy managed to turn and defend himself.

"But I'm telling the truth ... it was the thermometer which was wrong."

"Shush, child," Mrs Fontaine replied sternly to her son.

"Thermometers don't lie in my experience ... bad boys do. And it wouldn't be the first time you told mama a lie, would it, Billy?"

Billy blushed further and turned his head away in shame, remembering the incident ten days earlier when he had lied about finishing his homework. Turning to Polly, she added,

"Despite his age, Billy still seems to have trouble telling the truth. We're making some progress in recent years thanks to a lot of old fashioned discipline, Polly. But he still has a long way to go."

"Lying is the kind of thing one expects from small children, Amanda. If Billy were my child, he'd probably be spending even more time over my knee. As a pediatric nurse, I like to think of spankings as the best medicine for naughty children of all ages, especially boys Billy's age. Nothing cuts an older bad boy down to size faster than having his pants lowered and being put in over mommy's lap for a little boy's punishment."

"That's a nice way to put it, Polly ... spankings as the best medicine for naughty children. It's certainly medicine Billy still seems to need fairly regularly."

"Every child grows up at his own pace, Amanda. There's nothing wrong with a child who develops slowly as long as the proper parental love and discipline are in place. Billy is lucky to have such a good mother."

"I'd like to think that, Polly ... I'd like to think that. How's he doing?"

"Let's see ... hmmmmm ... just as I suspected ... his temperature is perfectly normal ... not a trace of fever."

Reaching up to his forehead, she added,

"Feel here ... even his forehead feels practically normal now ... he probably heated it up under this lamp. Your Billy is as healthy as ever, Amanda."

"Why, so he is, Polly. His forehead does feel about normal. Billy Fontaine, you know better than to lie to me about your fever and break my thermometer. I want the truth out of you right now or you will be spanked at bedtime every night this week. Do you understand me?"

Billy replied with a distinct quaver now audible.

"Mamma, I really did feel queasy this morning ... I held the thermometer up to the light to read it and it got too close and it broke ... really, it was not my ..."

"So, you bad boy, you did lie to me, didn't you? You didn't drop the thermometer. You held it up to the lamp. Just like you did the first time when I was out of the room and it got stuck on 103."

"Mamma, I'm sorry ... I wanted to stay in bed ... I really did feel queasy ... I'm sorry for trying to make my temperature go up. I just wanted to raise it a little .. and when it broke, oohh mama ... I didn't know what to say .... please, I didn't feel all that good in my stomach."

"Oh, now it's your stomach, is it? Young man, I'm going to give you something which will make any tummy troubles seem like nothing. Polly, if you don't mind staying a little longer, would you be kind enough to have a seat over there?"

"Mamma, nooooo ... not with Aunt Polly ... please, mamma, nooo!"

"Shush, child. You had plenty of chances to tell me the truth and you kept lying didn't you? Do you expect me to listen to you now that you are about to get a good spanking? Besides, Nurse Leveau has already seen your bottom so you don't have anything to hide. And since you lied to her, perhaps you will learn a better lesson if she sees how I take care of bad boys who lie in my home. Maybe you won't forget and tell another lie so soon this time. I just spanked you for lying ten days ago, didn't I, Mr Badbottoms?"

"Is it that frequent, Amanda?" The nurse had already gotten up from the bed and seated herself at Billy's desk.

"I'm afraid so, Polly. And that's just the lying. Billy seems to be in some kind of mischief every week. And lately, he has been developing some very naughty habits that teenage boys develop when left unsupervised."

"My, my ... I see," Nurse Leveau replied. "I suppose sooner or later this was bound to happen, as it does with so many boys Billy's age."

"Perhaps you can give me some advice later on how to deal with that. Billy, stand on your feet right this instant or you will be a very sorry little boy every night for the rest of the week."