Although I had a wonderful childhood I wet the bed until I was nearly fourteen years old. My parents did their best to help me cope with this most uncomfortable situation. Nevertheless in their frustration, I was returned to diapers for extended amounts of time during my childhood. The following is a true story about a Thanksgiving night at Grandma's house.
"Mom, I don't have to wear diapers at Grandma's, do I? All my cousins will be there for Thanksgiving and I don't want everyone to know!"
I said, as I started packing my clothes for the overnight stay at Grandma and Grandpa's house. I couldn't help but worry. My parents had put me back in night diapers again about six months ago in order to cope with all the bedwetting.
At eleven years of age my parents had exhausted every alternative. At four I continued to have frequent accidents during the day and showed no signs of readiness for night training. I guess that was why I was given a new package of plastic pants for my fourth birthday and why I still slept in a crib
At five years old my Mom decided to wait (even though I had graduated from pre-school) putting me into Kindergarten. My birthday was September 7th, on the deadline, either she could have started me and I would have been the youngest in the class or wait until the following year. I am sure my frequent day wetting accidents and messy mishaps due to laziness helped her make that decision. I was eventually placed back into diapers, per doctor's suggestion, in an effort to re-toilet train after three months of full-time diapering.
After being potty trained again at five and half I was finally completely dry during the day (unless I was tickled or laughed too hard). Most of my diapers were turned into rags and the cloth training pants were replaced with big kid underwear. However I wore diapers every night until I was seven. At seven a loud plastic sheet was placed on my bed and the smelly PJ's and wet sheets began to mount.
At eight years old my Dad tried getting me up at midnight every night. Nevertheless he either found me wet or uncooperative. I was a deep sleeper and thus was difficult to arise out of bed, even if I did get up and found the urge to pee most mornings I still woke up wet. My Mom could not handle the wet sheets any longer and the diapers that had been put away, when I was seven, replaced the underwear in my chest.
I could not hold back the tears when I came home from school and noticed the white diaper pail in my room, the diaper pins sitting in a dish with some baby powder on my chest, and the white fluffy cloth diapers in my first drawer. I immediately went to Mom crying.
"I promise, I promise, I PROMISE I won't wet the bed anymore. PLEASE don't put me back in diapers... .PLEASE! I won't wear them, I'll take them off!" I cried.
"Scott, I'm ...sorry. I know you're not a baby, but your Dad and I can't continue washing all your sheets. You know your Dad has been laid off at Kennecott and the cost for all the washing, the water, soap, and electricity is getting too much. I know you don't like waking up wet and smelly. Besides, I have seen you looking for your old diap..."
"But MOM, what are my friends going to say?" I said.
"Most of them probably know, besides they've noticed your plastic sheet. Scott, every time you sit on the bed it crinkles. But we'll put your diaper pail in the bathroom when they come over, okay Honey?"
"What about the pins and powder? And where are my underwear Mom? I said frantically.
"Put the pins and powder behind your trophies. Your underwear is in the second drawer with your socks. We had to combine them. The diapers take up a lot more space than your underwear and required the whole drawer.....I am not sure why we didn't keep you in diapers at night in the first place." She whispered, as she turned away.
"But Mom!" I yelled as she left my room. "NO butts, Scott"
She said reentering the room with some diaper rash ointment and a cloth diaper from the laundry basket.
"Lay down son, I know that it is early but let's see how well they fit!"
At nine I grew too big for the diapers and so the plastic sheet was put back on my bed. At ten my parents tried putting a wet sensitive pad with buzzer on the bed. Nevertheless my parents threw it out after just six months. They realized that it worked great as an 'I WET MY BED ALARM' but did nothing to proactively stay dry. I woke up when the alarm went off, but by the time I was completely awake (along with the rest of my family) I had already saturated myself.
At eleven I was surprised again when I heard my Mom mention to my Dad that I should be put back in diapers. I laughed it off; I was too big for diapers. The diapers I had used were long gone and wouldn't have fit anyways. I was still skinny, but there was no way I could fit into toddler plastic pants or Birdseye cloth diapers. As a result I did not think anymore of it.
A week later I saw my Mom with a whole slew of white fluffy fabric. She was sitting down watch TV while cutting these large white rectangles with a crimping pair of scissors that left a wavy edge all the way around each white fluffy rectangle.
"Mom, what are you doing?" I asked with a puzzled look. "You'll find out."
She said with a smile and immediately returned to cutting.
"Wow, they are soft. Ya know Mom you don't need to make the cleaning rags decorative; they are going to get dirty soon enough." I chuckled.
Making eye contact with a giggle she said,
"They are not rags. Why don't you go play? We will talk about this later."
It was getting dark so I told Jason that I needed to go home. He was one of my friends who lived towards the end of the block. His Mom was really nice, but an awful cook. I remember one morning she offered to make us pancakes, but they were either cream filled or burned. His step Dad was anti-social and spent more time drinking his Coors on the porch than with his family. Nevertheless, after a few beers he would soft up and be less intimidating.
Jason had twin sisters who were about three years old at the time. They reminded me of the set of twins in the movie, 'The Shining'. They didn't talk, you would say something to them and they would just stand there and stare as if they were looking right through you...creepy! Notwithstanding, Jason was a loyal (a bit weird at times) friend.
"Hi Mom, I'm home!" I said happily. "Hi Scott, I need to talk to you" She said ushering me into my room.
She sat me down on my bed and immediately I could tell something was different. She began explaining about the material I had seen her cutting earlier, but I didn't listen, I was too occupied with the bed. Something wasn't right; it didn't crinkle when I sat on it. I bounced a couple times and again I only heard the mattress springs.
"Hurray, thanks Mom!!"
I said jumping off the bed. Puzzled, my Mom asks,
"You're happy to be back in diapers? I thought you'd be upset?" "Dddiapers….DIAPERS!?? NO, I thought you took my plastic sheet off?"
I said shocked with disbelief. I could feel the tears swelling, but managed to hold them back. I was devastated and horrified. There is no way I was being put back into diapers again. There aren't any big enough. Beside I am eleven years old I am way too old for diapers. It doesn't make any sense! Just last week my Mom allowed me to go see, 'The Breakfast Club" with my older sister which was rated, 'R'. Now I am being put back into diapers? So what now, Sesame Street, Mr. Rogers, and the Pocka-Dot-Door? I was able to accept the diapers at eight, but now I can't imagine having my Mom diaper me and change me again. I will be the only eleven-year-old kid still in diapers. What if my friends find out? I don't care what anyone says, I may not be a baby, but I am beginning to feel like one. All I need now is a crib, a baby bottle, and a binky too!
"... I made diapers to fit you. Remember when I asked you to lay down on that towel, last week? I was measuring the size of your diapers. I am glad you thought they were soft. Especially since you will be wearing them, it is important for them to be comfortable and absorbent. You are right I removed your plastic sheet. You won't need it anymore. Besides I used it for your plastic pants." Mom said.
"Plastic pants?" I asked.
"Yes, I patterned them after your underwear, making them bigger of course. They are a bit bulky and will need to be pinned in with your diaper so it may be a bit tedious to put on and take off. Don't worry I will help you." Mom said.
I was in denial. I pictured myself waddling around in thick diapers. I could actually hear the rustling of the plastic pants with each step. I sensed the bulkiness of the padding between my legs. The smell of baby powder and diaper rash ointment filled the air. I felt myself regress back to eight years old...then to five and half.
"Mom, I gotta go!" I said with anguish
"Gotta go? ... What? She said bewildered.
"Potty!" I said toddling into the bathroom.
"No, no out of the bathroom, only big boys with big boy pants are allowed in the bathroom. You are wearing a diaper, see?"
As she tugs at my shorts almost making me fall.
"Now go play in your room!" She said.
Crying I ran to my room and shut the door. I could feel the bowel movement intensifying and suddenly it became too much and exploded into my diaper. The diaper expanded as if expecting the load. Warmness began to spread as an uncontrollable wetness hit the front of the diaper. I felt myself regress back to a three year old.
"Mommy change me, I'm messy! I'm wet! Agoo waa, waa...!" I said.
"What...did you SAY?" She asked.
"...Huh? ... Oh, nothing. Mom why are the diapers on top of my chest?"
"These are big diapers, for a big kid, most of them don't fit in your drawer. To get them all in we would have to take your pants, underwear, and socks and put them somewhere else."
"No way!" I explained.
"Then you'll have to live with them on your chest. The diapers are too big for a diaper pail so your soiled diapers will be put in the tub each morning." She said.
"Whatever, I don't have a choice do I?" I said.
"Sorry, but you don't you'll be wearing them until the bedwetting goes away. It won't be as bad as you think. You actually liked wearing them when you were eight.
On Saturday mornings, you didn't want to be changed. It was like pulling teeth. You would plop yourself down in front of the TV watching cartoons and I would have to literally take you by the hand to get you dressed.
You would ask me to put a clean diaper on so you could go back to watching cartoons instead of taking a bath. There were times you were diapered all day long. You didn't mind wearing diapers when we went on vacation, especially during long drives. While everyone else complained of needing to go to the restroom you could relive yourself at anytime.
You liked having a dry bed. Your bedroom no longer smelled like urine...
"Yea, it smelled like baby powder," I added
Yes, but that was better than pee. Scott, none of your friends ever discovered your diapers. The only people who knew were you, us, and your sisters. Lorraine was the only one who actually diapered you and that was few and far between.
As before I am sure you'll accept the diapers. You will find a wet diaper a better alterative to a wet bed, pajamas, and plastic sheet. A diaper, is just a piece of clothing, a big fluffy pair of underwear that..."
"Crinkles and makes a lot of noise, so everyone will know that I am diapered." I added.
"I am sorry Scott, but that is just how they are. You are too big for Pampers and we don't have the money to get them anyways. Besides they make just as much noise. I love you son, it is time to get ready for bed. Go get me a diaper and the powder...take off your pants...lay down ...you see the diaper feels pretty good...stand up...these pajamas aren't going to fit, we'll have to buy some bigger ones. I guess you'll wear just a diaper and tee shirt tonight." Mom said lovingly.
Now, I can't help but worry about what my younger cousins will think if they discover a diapered uncle at Grandma and Grandpa's house. I have three cousins' seven-year-old Camyille, three-year-old Kristi, and two year old Lisa. I am certain that Kristi and Lisa are still in diapers, but Camyille isn't, she trained early.
I remember hearing my sister bragging to my Mom that she had successfully potty-trained Camyille both day and night when she was 22 months old. I am four years older than her and at the time Camyille was trained I was five and half, just happened to be the time I being put back into full-time diapers.
I love my sister Susan, but she was constantly telling my Mom to leave me in diapers. She said that I was wetting on purpose for attention. She thought that I should be diapered fulltime. She believed that they were sending the wrong message, each morning I was changed back into underwear. Big boy pants should be earned. Her philosophy was simple if a person wet like a baby they should be diapered like one. Her philosophy changed several years later when her youngest son Joey was a bedwetter.
"Mom, I don't have to wear diapers at Grandma's, do I?" I won't drink any liquid after 5pm. I will make sure that I use the bathroom before bed. I promise... Please?" I pleaded.
"We'll see," She said.
"Thanks Mom I am not going to pack any!"
I was happy and relived. I would be able to enjoy this Thanksgiving without worrying about wearing any diapers. Besides every Thanksgiving was the same. Everyone would stuff their faces all day long and then the kids would be sent to bed early while the grownups stayed up late playing games and watching movies.
Maybe this year I'll get to stay up, heck I'm eleven almost a teenager ya know. I guess Thanksgiving Day is not all that bad, it is black Friday that is ugly. All of the grownups (at least all the girls) get up at the crack of dawn (and I thought I got up early to watch cartoons) to go bumming, as my Grandpa put it. I remember when I was eight and was diapered on Thanksgiving night. I did not get changed until 4pm the following day when my Mom got home from shopping. Duh! My Grandpa was certainly not going to change my diaper!
My Mom apologized up and down when she noticed the diaper rash. She said she had forgotten that her eight year old was still in diapers. She said that it was pointless to put me in big boy pants this late in the day and proceeded to apply diaper rash ointment and changed me into a dry diaper. I still can remember the reddish burn. Each time I moved the diaper rubbed against the inflamed area. I had to toddle like a true two year old in order to avoid the pin prickly pain. Diaper rash won't be an issue this year!
I had all my clothes packed and we were ready to go. In the car I imagined all the fun I was going to have with my cousins. It had been a while since I had last seen them. We were going to play hide and go seek, school, and play cards. We would talk about what we wanted for Christmas.
I had known for years that Santa Claus was an imaginative figure, so I would be careful not to reveal this to them. I would not want to bring the wrath of Susan upon me. Sheesh, if she had her way I would be wearing Pampers all day, sucking on a binky, and sleeping in a crib. Hmmm, might be fun to suck on a binky? Na, I don't want to make her mad at me.
Thanksgiving dinner was not a disappointment. I jammed my plate with turkey, potatoes and gravy, stuffing, corn, a variety of Jell-O salads, rolls, and of course several pieces of pie. My favorite is my Grandma's shredded apple pie; it has a light and flaky crust and is sprinkled with the right touch of cinnamon and nutmeg. When combined with vanilla ice cream it becomes irresistible. I think I ate the entire pie!
I spent the entire day playing with my cousins. I was surprised to find only one of them in diapers. Lisa the two year old. Camyille said that Kristi had just been potty trained a week or so ago and Lisa wasn't quite ready yet. Susan was going to wait until she was two and half.
"Time to get ready for bed!" Susan yelled
"You too Scott!" My Mom said in agreement
Walking over to the couch where my mom was sitting.
"It is only eight O'clock, it's early" I whispered
"It's okay, you're not going to bed yet." She said "Go in the back room I'll be there in a minute." She announced "Put on your pajama top and JUST your bottoms, put your underwear in the bag." She whispered.
Bewildered I went in the back room.
"Can't he get himself dressed?" Susan asked.
"I am putting a diaper on him." She said in response.
"Oh, he's still wetting the bed." Susan said with approval.
Why does she want me to take my underwear off? That's weird, I thought, as I was pulling my pajama top on. I don't want to sleep without any underwear; I am going to leave them on! I pulled up my pajama bottoms and proceeded to leave just as my Mom came walking in.
"I'm all ready for bed Mom." I said as I started to leave.
"Let's see." She said grabbing my arm gently pulling me backwards.
Tugging at my waist band looking in the front of my pajama bottoms she exclaimed,
"I told you to put your underwear in your bag!"
"But, Mom what are you doing!" I said in horror.
"Lay down Scott!" She said
As she pulled the pajama bottoms off and removed the underwear.
"MOM!" I cried out
"I am putting a diaper on you, son," She said firmly
"But you promised..." I said crying.
"No, I told you I would think about it." She said with certainty.
"But I didn't pack any," I said regaining my composure.
"I know...But I did." She said taking a diaper and pair of plastic pants out of her bag.
What composure I had was lost again as the tears began to flow. I must of have looked like a fussy one year old not wanting to have his diaper changed. I kicked my feet as the padding was raised between my legs. I pleaded for one layer instead of four. I move back and forth while she pinned the diaper but stopped when the pin accidentally poked me. I refused to put my feet into the plastic pants, until a swift spank hit my diapered butt. I knew I had no choice.
"Does Camyille have to wear diapers at night?" I said hoping.
"No, she's been out of diapers for a long time. But Lisa does and Kristi might." She said.
"But Lisa is a baby!" I barked.
"I bet Kristi does, she was potty trained last week it takes time to be dry at night, come on lets go." She said.
"No, everyone will know I am wearing a diaper, besides I am ready to go to bed." I said waddling back.
"Don't worry about it, I already told everyone." She said with a smile.
"Camyille will tease me." I said choking up.
"No she won't, she probably won't even notice." She said putting her arm around me.
"I am not going out, I am going to stay right here!" I said firmly.
"Fine have it your way, I am going back to the living room." My Mom said as she left turning off the light.
"Where's Scott?" Susan asked as she noticed Mom watching back in the room.
"He's too embarrassed to come out. The diaper is a little bigger than normal and doesn't want everyone to notice it." She answered.
After sitting in the back room for what seemed like an eternity I walked into the front room. Everyone glanced back when they heard me crinkle and toddle in. They noticed the massive bulge in my pajama bottoms, but I was surprised when no one said anything. They quickly returned to their conversations and watching television.
I sat down and started playing with my cousins when Camyille said,
"You're wearing a diaper! Mom Scott still wears diapers! That is funny."
"Camyille, play nicely! A lot of kids who wet the bed wear diapers." Susan said getting up to go into the kitchen.
"Camyille, Kristi still wears diapers." I said with a smug.
"No she doesn't, she is potty trained unlike you." She said smiling.
"My Mom said she still wore diapers at night." I said. "Not anymore, she is a BIG girl." She answered.
Ignoring the ridicule I returned to playing. A hour later the pressure began to mount and I needed to go to the bathroom, BAD! I went up to my Mom and whispered,
"Mom, I gotta go."
"You have a diaper on, just go!" She said.
"I really need to go!" I said sternly.
"Scott, it is too late. I am not going to take the diaper off. You are wearing a diaper with plenty of padding, now go on!" She said lightly shoving me back to the middle of the room."
I didn't know what to do. She misunderstood me; I desperately needed to go number two! I started back across the room but was quickly waved off. So I left the living room and proceeded to the bedroom. The pie had done it, I couldn't hold it any longer. Instinct took over and I squatted down and filled my diaper. I felt so infantile that my thumb went in my mouth and I just sat there, messy diaper and all, remembering how I felt when I was five and a half. Had someone seen me, I wouldn't have seen them. I was happily sucking on my thumb, life was great as a baby.
"PeeU, who stinks?" Susan said looking over at Lisa.
"I know someone smells." Camyille said grabbing her nose. "Maybe it is Scott, he's wearing a diaper!" Camyille chuckled.
"Naa...uH." I said hesitantly. Hoping to avoid embarrassment, I knew I had full pants but didn't want to say anything.
Susan with a diaper and wipes picked up Lisa and took her to the backroom. A short time later she returned and said,
"Hmm, she was just wet, probably just gas or something?" She said putting her back on the floor.
"Scott, come here." Mom said.
"Okay... why?" I asked.
"Turn around." She demanded.
As I turned around my Mom pulled open my pajama bottoms and peered into my diaper. With a swift spank she said,
"You messed your pants!" She yelled. "Why did you do that? I would have taken the diaper off, if I'd had known you needed to go!" She said with a frown.
"I did tell you, Mom." I said crying. Sniffing- "You told me to go, so I did."
"Well, I didn't bring a spare diaper! I didn't think I would need one. I guess I know now." She explained.
"I might have one of Kristi's old diapers and they would probably fit." Susan said walking out of the room.
"You're going to stay in the diaper Scott. I didn't bring an extra one, you decided to mess, you'll ...I mean. . We'll deal with it until the morning.
"Nope I only have the smaller diapers for Lisa." Susan said walking back into the room.
"It's okay, Scott will just have to wear it until the morning." She said.
"He's not sleeping by me." Camyille said unrolling her sleeping bag.
"I'm sleeping on the couch ...dummy!" I said sticking my tongue out.
"No, you'll be sleeping in the playpen with Lisa." My Mom said.
"MOM, I am too big for the playpen. I haven't slept in the playpen since I was three! Where is Kristi sleeping?" I said with a frown.
"Kristi is sleeping next to Camyille." Susan answered, helping unroll the sleeping bags. "I told you, you should have left him in diapers." Susan whispered.
"Hop in Scott, Lisa won't mind the messy diaper." Mom said
"What about a pillow?" I asked lying down.
"A pillow?" Mom said.
"Not in the playpen! You'll be just fine." Susan demanded.
As soon as the lights were turned off, I lay in my full diaper, thumb in my mouth hoping to be changed before they go 'bumming' tomorrow.