Pacific NW. Housesitting. Bored. Came across this thread —this site — just this morning. Loved the topic. Wasn't so bored anymore.
Found the biggest banana in the bunch, shaved the spiky end down with a sharp paring knife (I'm a sous-chef) and popped it into the freezer. Warmed up with some great transsexual porn — that's my thing — with huge cocks and extreme deepthroating and skullfucking. After about a half-hour, took the banana out and tried to replicate what I'd seen onscreen. It's really hard to deepthroat a frozen banana! The icyness cooled the inside of my mouth as I slowly took it down — but the lack of flexibility meant it bottomed out at 5 inches. When a banana is ripe and soft, you can get it much deeper — I've done 7¾. And I've swallowed t-girl cocks up to 9 inches.
But I digress.
Washed the banana, trimmed down the top a little more, exposing the flesh, and put it back in the freezer for 10 more minutes — I wanted it cold so it would be hard. Upstairs to the tub, run a couple inches of cold water, on my knees, pull the plug, turn a warm shower on. Play with my ass — 1 finger, 2, 3, all 4 — work 'em around for a couple of minutes. Grab the lube —some high-end moisturizing lotion — pull out my fingers, spread it everywhere on me, and all over the tip of the big yellow banana, which was encased in a large red condom, secured with a thick blue rubber band. Pick up the banana by its longish stem and guide the lotion-covered tip to my tight hole. curving down, it pushes against my well-muscled ass, then slips in effortlessly. I slowly push the stem forward, taking more and more and feeling my insides touched by the cold. It's vaguely uncomfortable, which has more to do with the cold than the banana's size (9½ inches from tip to where it becomes more green stem than yellow banana, curving along a 7½-inch span, up to 1½ inches wide. Not a small banana. I look back and see that only about 3 inches are in me — there's a good 6-plus sticking out, the red and undrlying yellow creating a weird, opaque orange. Time for another push — why do this at all unless I'm going to go all in? Relax my pelvic muscles and keep my ass perfectly still as I slowly force more and more of the cold banana inside me. It feels amazing, and is starting to fill me up. I look back and see that's only another 2 inches — still 4 to go?
Different tack: slowly remove banana, which feels really good going out. Off my knees, onto my back, legs up on each side of the tub like they're in stirrups. Examine banana, which is still stiff and cold. More lube for banana's tip and hole. Position it curving up, push the tip in. Keep pushing. Slowly. Watch it disappear — 5 inches, 6. 7. Meeting resistance. Hold it firm, work my pelvis around side to side, feel it deep in me. Need it deeper. Brace my back against the tub wall and my long, muscular legs halfway up the tile. Grab stem firmly with right hand, brace with my left. For the first time, push banana in while clenching my cheeks and working my ass muscles, sucking what's already inside me even deeper. Another half-inch disappears. More pressure. Another inch. 8½. I look down and see the very end of the banana, bright yellow against the end of the condom, which is pulling away. The blue rubber band? Nowhere to be seen. I'm not concerned — I think I can feel it just inside my ass, brushing up against my walls. It's a little uncomfortable, but a wave of excitement is washing over me as I realize how close I am to taking it all. There's pushback as my ass muscles resist the banana, but I push harder, keeping constant pressure on, and the banana slips all the way inside me. It feels incredible — like the biggest cock that's been in my ass (it's isn't, but it's not that far off either.
The next half-hour is a blur of great pleasure and some pain as I gradually develop a technique to fuck my ass with the banana, first on my back, then on my knees, squatting, then standing a bit uneasily as I work the long banana In and out, slowly pulling back to the 6-inch mark, then pistoning forward until the condom disappears and the my stem-holding hand presses up against my ass. Of course I'm masturbating furiously the whole time. I lay back down on my back, grip my swollen glans tightly and plunge the banana in even deeper, keeping a tight hold on the stem — not easy with all the lube. I slowly work the banana in and out of my depths, feel an incredible adrenaline rush and erupt all over my chest. A second spasm sends a jet of come over my shoulder, splattering off the side of the tub. It's the first of five separate orgasms I'll have over the next few minutes as I work my cock furiously and ram the banana in and out of my depths.
I can't collapse, as I'm already on my back, but I'm thoroughly enervated — accelerated heartbeat, breathing heavily, drained of all energy. I realize I have to take the banana out at some point, but I really don't want to. After laying there for about 5 minutes, it starts to feel a little uncomfortable. It's not the cold — that's long gone, as the friction of contact with my ass has turned the very bottom to mush. No, it's that it's no longer a banana — a curve. It feels disjointed and broken, and when I finally pull all of it out, deliberately, exquisitely working out the last few inches, I discover that the banana is destroyed — only the very top, about 2 inches, is even intact. Everything else is warm mush.
Long story short: ate the intact parts of the banana (not as much as I would have liked) with some blackberry sorbet, red grapefruit slices, fresh strawberries and blueberries, all washed down with a porter. All in all, not a bad lunch.
If you have, thanks for sticking with this, and thanks to this site for providing my inspiration. I'll never look at bananas the same way again. Now it's on to plantains!