Humor Attempts Gone Wrong

Have you ever attempted to be humorous, clever, or snarky at the doctor's office, only to have it completely backfire?

No, not me. A female NP administered a prostate exam on me once. She seemed a little uncomfortable doing the deed. I said "Well, you could have chosen Veternairy Medicine." She got a good laugh out of it. Humor is about timing. It can make a potentially awkward situation less awkward.

As i was being put out for my colonoscopy this morning, I thought of saying "Hey could check my prostate for me while you're in there?"

For me to actually attempt humor, it will take being drugged by them, or extreme boredom in a hospital room or something for me to actually attempt humor. Though many of my medical professionals seem good natured, it would take one who made attempts at humor first to make me comfortable to contribute my own.

Don't remember what I said when they gassed me up, to take the wisdom teeth out, but I wouldn't be surprised if that's why my first memory afterwards involved me being alone in waiting/discharge area.

I was in to have a transurethral prostate operation done under a local and had asked for an all male OR crew--which I got. I had taped a sign over my crotch that said !! "Approach With Caution"--Objects May Be Larger Than They Appear "--Everyone got a big kick out of it....On Colonoscopy day I hid a sign on my ass that said. .Gold And Colonoscopies - Aim For A Hole In One....... I had never met the MD before the procedure and was out when he came in. .although I saw him in recovery had no memory of it...he supposedly said to my friend who was there to take me home that there was no problem once they got the gold club out....Years later I met him at a gallery show and said you once did a colonoscopy on me.....and he had that look like YES and I have done 10,000....I said you might remember mine--- I left you a sign. . .He hollered out out and said. .The Golf Sign? When I said yes, he said in 30 years I was his only patient to leave him a note "down there" and that he had laughed about it all the years afterward.

I had to have an umbilical hernia repaired. while is was in pre-op, my wife got a hold of a surgical marking pen, drew a dotted line just above my pubic hair and wrote, no cutting below this line. The surgeon got a kick out of that.

When I was getting a rectal exam from my doctor I told her that now I know how a puppet feels. She laughed and said to just wait until she pulled the strings. I was like whaaat? Then we both laughed.

My son has a genetic disorder so we often see the specialist. When he was two or three I was asked if I had any concerns over his hearing, so I answered "in my opinion he is diplomaticly death" ( meaning he hears what he wants to hear). Doc actually wrote down in his notes "diplomatic deathness"

Hope it does not haunt him in years to come

Some funny (real) stuff in this topic - any others??.

I asked a doctor once if fecal implants were effective for treating CDIFF. He said they were very effective (>95%), but the problem was aligning the donor with the receiver to make the transfer. (True story he was always cracking jokes)

Well, I wasn't trying to be funny, but on my last routine physical exam my doctor said, “Shall we check the prostate?”

I replied, “If you like.”

He quickly countered with, “Not if I like!” He was concerned that I might think he enjoyed it.

So I corrected myself by saying, “If you think it's indicated.”

Well, I wasn't trying to be funny, but on my last routine physical exam my doctor said, “Shall we check the prostate?”

I replied, “If you like.”

He quickly countered with, “Not if I like!” He was concerned that I might think he enjoyed it.

So I corrected myself by saying, “If you think it's indicated.”

My urologist said, “Turn around and let’s get this over with for both of us”

My PCP was advising me on eating habits for Type II Diabetes. He said that for desserts, any fruits with the word “berry” in them was good (strawberry, blue berry, etc). I asked him “What about dingle berries?” He didn’t laugh. I don’t know if he was familiar with the term.

Many a time I’ve said to my physician with a big smile, twinkle in my eyes and humorous sarcasm in my voice when having an exam of some kind, “shall we dance?” It always brings good laughter from both my physician and myself.

My doctor she said about a prostate exam and I said “ SOO SOON , I'M NOT THAT KIND OF GUY”,

Many a time I’ve said to my physician with a big smile, twinkle in my eyes and humorous sarcasm in my voice when having an exam of some kind, “shall we dance?” It always brings good laughter from both my physician and myself.

@Fawkes Would that be the “hooky poke me “ dance? 🥱

@Rigel,

it is a quote referring to Rodgers & Hammerstein musical The King and I, the song “Shall We Dance?”…. though the songs The Shake by Neal McCoy, Hokey Pokey and Time Warp do always come into my mind with it…🤔😉🤣

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QgVPnWmUqd4

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=W4p15BqvRhc

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=umj0gu5nEGs

At a visit with health visitor when my son was about 4. I was asked if I had any concerns, I said son was “ diplomatically deaf” meaning he could not always hear me but I suspected it was not listening rather than not hearing.

I saw her write “ diplomatically deaf" on his notes

At a visit with health visitor when my son was about 4. I was asked if I had any concerns, I said son was “ diplomatically death” meaning he could not always hear me but I suspected it was not listening rather than not hearing.

I saw her write “ diplomatically death” on his notes

You made that same post 5 years ago under a different account in this thread, it seems. Just so you know, so it doesn't uh, lead to any misunderstandings in the future, the word you're looking for is deaf. I imagine you're hypercorrecting for cockney/chav dialect, which would make the reverse phonetic error.

I imagine you're hypercorrecting for cockney/chav dialect, which would make the reverse phonetic error.

Liza Doolittle, perhaps?

@Somebody I had forgotten I had written in this thread when I was in zity under a previous account. And thank you for pointing out my typo. I have corrected this now.

At one of my late wife's check up's remember she had one leg amputated , the doc was checking blood flow in the other leg and pronounced it was good and asked if there was any thing else , i spoke up and said “i think the other leg is way too cold” he then tried to feel for her pulse in the artificial leg . It took a Mininet and then i got some of the dirtiest look's

We were in the ER once and talking about cath sizes, possibly upgrading from a F14 to an F16. The ER doc said the tubes get smaller as the F number gets larger. I said I was pretty sure that wasn’t right. She left and returned a little later and admitted she was wrong, said she was thinking of needle gauges.

I asked: “and you’re a doctor?” The room went cold quiet, a nurse and a tech stared back and forth between me and the doc. Finally, the doc laughed and I told her I was just giving her a hard time. She had a good sense of humor.

@Somebody I had forgotten I had written in this thread when I was in zity under a previous account. And thank you for pointing out my typo. I have corrected this now.

Glad it wasn't an unwelcome correction. (Just FYI you only fixed one instance of it. Still says ‘death’ for the second part.)

Re post #8. There are, or should be, two key phrases here: ‘diplomatically deaf’ and ‘diplomatic deathness’. The first concerns the young son's choosiness (!) about what he hears. The second is the doctor's blunder in his notes.

Have l got that right?

- Ken